For quite a few months I have not written or shared much on motherhood and as a result there has been a dry spell here on the blog. The problem is that I have not had much to say. I am at a point in motherhood where I am trying to figure a lot out. Whenever I think " I got it" in regards to child-rearing my kids throw me a curve-ball and change in some way. I suppose it will be like this for a while since my kids are always changing and are each growing in their own individual ways.
Many days I am at a loss as to what to do and how to best raise my boys. Despite all the books, blogs, and advice I receive I still I feel like I am a referee, chef, house cleaner, doctor, coach, teacher, disciplinarian, and babysitter all at one time. Each boy has their own needs and whether it be a meal, a sickness, or a change in clothing size my days are starting to blur together. The OCD/ schedule-lover likes the monotonous life I live where I can to some degree expect what each day will look like. I am a control freak (and will be the first to admit that) at times and being able to decide what we do each day keeps my nerves at ease. At the same time, I sometimes stare outside or look on Instagram and long to have some spontaneity in my life. I wonder what it would be like to throw our normal routine out the window and just drive somewhere because we can. The struggle is real and as much as I try not to fantasize what my life could be life it is so easy to wonder what it could be like if I was more of a free spirit. I am content with life right now (and have much to be thankful for) but at the same time I am up for a change in our day to day routine.
There is a quote from the show The Crown (a series on Netflix) where Queen Elizabeth II states " That's the thing about unhappiness. All it takes is for something worse to come along and you realize it was happiness afterall. " After dealing with PPD for the second time I now know what it is to be happy. I have had days that were very low and now I can embrace and love the days that are no longer filled with the worries, fear, and anxiety that can come with postpartum depression. 2017 was full of change. Change and me don't mesh well. But I can see how God has used all of the change in our lives this past year to cause me to trust more in Him and to see more clearly how my ways are not my own.
If you would like to share a little bit about your journey through motherhood, a birth story, reflection, book review, and/or want a space to share what is going on in your life please contact me @ firstname.lastname@example.org and submit a post. This space has been very instrumental for my own life and I hope it can be a place for you to have a voice too. Thank you so much for listening to my ramblings and for sticking around.
***If you did not know already, there is a private mom Facebook group for the blog called Baby Blue Mom Group. This group of moms are some of the most encouraging, kind, and loving women I know. If you would like to join please find us.