Dry Spells.

For quite a few months I have not written or shared much on motherhood and as a result there has been a dry spell here on the blog. The problem is that I have not had much to say. I am at a point in motherhood where I am trying to figure a lot out. Whenever I think " I got it" in regards to child-rearing my kids throw me a curve-ball and change in some way. I suppose it will be like this for a while since my kids are always changing and are each growing in their own individual ways.

Many days I am at a loss as to what to do and how to best raise my boys. Despite all the books, blogs, and advice I receive I still I feel like I am a referee, chef, house cleaner, doctor, coach, teacher, disciplinarian, and babysitter all at one time. Each boy has their own needs and whether it be a meal, a sickness, or a change in clothing size my days are starting to blur together. The OCD/ schedule-lover likes the monotonous life I live where I can to some degree expect what each day will look like. I am a control freak (and will be the first to admit that) at times and being able to decide what we do each day keeps my nerves at ease. At the same time, I sometimes stare outside or look on Instagram and long to have some spontaneity in my life. I wonder what it would be like to throw our normal routine out the window and just drive somewhere because we can. The struggle is real and as much as I try not to fantasize what my life could be life it is so easy to wonder what it could be like if I was more of a free spirit. I  am content with life right now (and have much to be thankful for) but at the same time I am up for a change in our day to day routine.

There is a quote from the show The Crown (a series on Netflix) where Queen Elizabeth II states " That's the thing about unhappiness. All it takes is for something worse to come along and you realize it  was happiness afterall. " After dealing with PPD for the second time I now know what it is to be happy. I have had days that were very low and now I can embrace and love the days that are no longer filled with the worries, fear, and anxiety that can come with postpartum depression. 2017 was full of change. Change and me don't mesh well. But I can see how God has used all of the change in our lives this past year to cause me to trust more in Him and to see more clearly how my ways are not my own. 

If you would like to share a little bit about your journey through motherhood, a birth story, reflection, book review, and/or want a space to share what is going on in your life please contact me @ ginazdavis@gmail.com and submit a post. This space has been very instrumental for my own life and I hope it can be a place for you to have a voice too. Thank you so much for listening to my ramblings and for sticking around. 

***If you did not know already, there is a private mom Facebook group for the blog called Baby Blue Mom Group. This group of moms are some of the most encouraging, kind, and loving women I know. If you would like to join please find us.

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 December was filled with sickness at our house. 

December was filled with sickness at our house. 

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Guest Post by Kerrie DeBerry

Yesterday at church as my husband was doing announcements before preaching, I came up from the nursery to see my 3 year old at the pulpit by his leg. He handled it well and she came back to me in the pew, while I grinned as the entire church watched this all play out. Now, how would I have responded to my 3 year old at home WITHOUT 200 eyes looking at me? Is there a gap between how I respond to things in private vs. public? If someone was a fly on the wall of my home what would they observe? Of course we are all different to a degree in the comfort of our own homes. I wear things at home I am not going to parade around church in, I have inside jokes & teasing, playful things with my husband I will not share around others. We have family quirks just for us, not for the world to see. This is not what I mean. When evaluating this area of my life in a healthy way, I am referring more to my heart, my spirit, how I am relating to God. How do I speak to my kids when giving general directions or when correcting? How do I respond when the clothes I just spent 30 min folding are thrown around the floor? In our home, how do I speak about other people not present? How do I speak to my husband? How do I use my time, my energy? How do I use my phone? Is what I post indicative of reality or making myself look good, showing my good works before men? Or is it a healthy, truthful representation of my life, my kids, and authentic? And is my phone or something else making me far less present with my family or am I exercising wisdom with my time?

Our life in private and the thousands of decisions we make when no one is looking will eventually spill over. Charles Spurgeon said, "Sincerity makes the very least person to be of more value than a talented hypocrite." And when there is too big a gap between our private & public life do we run to fix it or try harder or fake it better? No, we cannot attempt to touch ourselves up and make ourselves something other than we really are. Instead, we need to first run to Christ, the one who takes us as we are but promises not to leave us as we are. He has sent his Spirit on a mission to change every part of us, in every context of our lives. So as we depend on the Holy Spirit's power instead of our own ability to patch up our morality we slowly but surely become authentically Christian in private and in public.

If we are united to Christ, the Holy Spirit is cleaning us from the inside out, making us more Christ-like. So when we are hypocrites, when we are harsh with our kids, when we do things that make us feel the weight of our sin, we run to him for forgiveness and grace. He's lived each day perfectly on our behalf-in private and public. And then by his Spirit's grace and power we strive to close that gap between public and private a little more each day, knowing he is with us as we do so. 

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life is like a circus.

Well, it has been a while since I have had a second to sit down and write and even now life seems to be going 90 mph. Ever since we have moved into our new home we have had event, upon event, upon event and this is just the beginning. At times I can see my life acting out like a modern day circus.

Nick and I have been using every small spare minute to try to be intentional with one another because of all of the good chaos surrounding our lives right now. But I really wanted to take a few minutes and give you all a little life update.

Home

Our new house has been great. The boys have been adjusting well and Leo has even mastered climbing stairs (he just turned 6 months)!!! It seems like we daily have been adding to our house to-do list and I don't foresee that stopping anytime soon. So far we have painted our kitchen cabinets, replaced the upstairs bathtub, had our irrigation system checked out, cleaned 1/2 of the garage, bought a new couch, and started putting some decorations and pictures on the wall. In the next few weeks and months we hope to put long shelves underneath the stairwell for storage (baking and cooking appliances, etc.), get the home gym in the garage in place, tile the upstairs bathroom, reseed and prep the yard out back, and get some can lights and outside lights installed. At times the home repairs and updates take a toll on me but other times I am thankful that our family together can invest our time and energy into something we can all benefit from. 

School

Calvin started transitional kindergarten two weeks ago and loves it. His teacher said he is very arrticulate and talkative and at times I feel like I should send him to school with an extra $20 for all the talking he must do all day to everyone there. When he is not in school I work on some kindergarten and Christian curriculum with him and Max at home (10-15 minutes a day). The saddest part about Calvin being in school 3 days a week is that Max has no idea what to do without his big brother all day. But rest assured once Calvin is back home they are back to wrestling, bickering, and playing together.

Weddings

I just hosted my middle sister, Michelle's, bridal shower this past weekend with my other sister Bianca and that was really fun. I thankfully had a lot of help from my best friend Allison and my mom which made the decorating and planning process go smoothly given all that is on my plate right now. In 4 weeks I have my baby sister Bianca's bridal shower so it is back to the Pinterest and planning boards for the next event ;)

What's Next

In the next few weeks I have Calvin's birthday, Michelle's bachelorette, Bianca's shower, Nick's 30th Birthday, Nick is in a wedding, our 7th wedding anniversary, Max's 3rd birthday, Thanksgiving, Michelle's Wedding, my Dad's 60th birthday, Nick's parents 40th wedding anniversary, Christmas, New Years' and then 6 more events. I wish life would slow down a little bit because I can feel my anxiety rise by the end of the day. I have a bad habit of making all my to-do's piled into one big check-off and cannot really separate each task. I have been listening to some awesome podcasts each day which has helped me remember to be present with my kids, my husband and with God. 

 

Here's a photo dump of our circus life. Don't get me wrong though, life is crazy but the Lord has been faithful.  

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 The aftermath of painting cupboards front and back side. 

The aftermath of painting cupboards front and back side. 

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