end of pregnancy rant.

As I sit here writing on my couch waiting for this baby to arrive I can't help but think how funny life is. In my mind I always think I can perfectly plan most aspects of my life and then God shows me my need for Him and how trying to control every situation is not my place.

My boys have always been very routine and we do the same things in our home 90% of the time. But within the past three weeks Max, who normally is super easy-going for naps, has given me a run for my money.

Our normal routine is eat lunch at 11:30 AM and then quiet play until nap time around 12:15 pm. I  turn on the sound machine, close black out curtains, sing him a doxology and the Gloria Patri, shut the door and then he is out within 5 minutes. Ever since his cold a few weeks ago he has been crying when I put him down for a LONG time. So I started to rub his back (something I have never done) and he would go down within 10-15 min. Fast-forward to today when I am 40+ weeks pregnant and leaning over his crib is no longer possible. I also do not want to continue this habit because once baby arrives I will not have the time or energy to rub his back when I know very well he is tired and capable of going to sleep on his own.

The days where we have just let him cry or stay in his crib he has chosen not to nap. I leave him in there for at least an hour and if he has still not napped then I get him out and continue the day. It is hard to swallow little bumps in the road like this because I was not worried at all with baby coming because I knew we had nap times down and it would be a great break for me to just focus on Calvin and the new little one. I share this mostly as a vent but also to show that even moms like me who try to plan out all the tiny details do not have it all figure out. Something can be working great for a while and then a sickness or growth spurt happens and you are back at square one again. I am constantly needing to remind myself that all of these seasons are normal and okay.

Calvin this week also got his cough back and since he is an asthmatic it is not just a "cough". We have had way to many nights in the past where he is having asthma attacks and the whole family is affected. A lot of my OCD issues with being around sick kids is because of Calvin's weakened immune system. THANKFULLY  his awesome allergists has us on a great regiment now that has helped tremendously and also my Young Living Oils have played a big role in him not getting full blown sick. God has been gracious to us and thankfully I do not see this turning into something big but oh how I wish these little hiccups in my perfect plan would smooth over soon. 

Oh, and just as I finished writing this Max fell asleep on his own. Took 20 mins but he only cried for 8. Woot woot! My family is always being used to sanctify me and it is not always easy. This new baby will stretch me, test me, and will also show me how much love God has for His people. With every new chapter in motherhood I am learning more about myself and that is always a good thing.